Purgatory

Its been a long time since I have sat down and wrote out my thoughts. Basically, I have been in a slump of sorts and just plain didn’t wanna.  I attributed it to mid deployment blues and had nothing nice to say, so I chose to say nothing.  I’m still in my slump, but I’m trying to pull myself up by the boot straps and snap myself out of it.

I had an epiphany the other night, this place is like purgatory; It’s not quite war and it’s not quite stateside. When you first arrive and become settled in, you think it’s not so bad here. Living conditions are great, there are amenities, activities to keep you busy and the workload is far from stressful.  Compared to my last deployment and the only deployment I can use as a gauge, this place is great.

Yes, the rains came and that was not the best, but you have to have something to complain about right? It has not rained since I washed the truck with rain water and would gladly take the rainy season back.  The winds came and replaced mud pits with dust bowls.

Maybe the winds made me a little crazy as they were horrible. We had days where the visibility was very low and the airfield was closed. You turn on the air-conditioner and the air taste like dust. No matter how much you clean, everything is dirty. You feel dirty. The constant noise and dust really bugged me. Had I been a farmer‘s daughter or wife in the 1930’s, I think I would have taken the family’s chicken ax to the family.

About this time, the façade started to crack and I realized this place isn’t that great. There are just enough amenities to lull you into thinking this a good deployment location (heaven), but the rules and restrictions (hell) are ridiculous. “They” want you to be mindful of situational awareness and to remember we are at war. Rules are in place for our safety and protection.  I can live with that, if I were truly at war and truly expeditionary. When the Army has fewer restrictions and you can order Taco Bell for dinner, it’s hard to see the value.  It’s limboland here, caught in the middle of two very different worlds.

It looks like the winds have stopped and we are experiencing warmer temperatures. I believe warm last a few days and quickly turns to hot. Warm weather has brought out the mosquitoes and strange ants with wings resembling termites. At night you can see bats flying around which I welcome as they eat the large mosquito population. Spring here makes me long to be home as the first few weeks of April is my favorite time to enjoy the backyard. I try very hard not to count my days and not think about the date when I leave, but I am looking forward to home more than I ever have before.

I have not been doing much on my day off other than just holing up under the sheets with a movie or book. I haven’t been going to the gym either as I have had a case of the lazies. I was off yesterday and took advantage of the time by cleaning my CHU. I swept my rugs, took baby wipes to the floor and night stand and cleaned my AC filter. The office sent two mini flower pot sets with soil and Forget Me Not seeds. I planted those and put a sandwich bag over the top to create mini greenhouses. I re-seeded my Chi Pet and hope all three sprout in the next week or so. After a new air freshener and a good dose of Febreeze, I’m ready to start my week with my new attitude.